I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
