I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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