I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
