She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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