I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
