ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize