all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
