I can't breathe out the right side of my face
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
