One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
