I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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