I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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