I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
