Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
