Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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