Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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