I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
