Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
