Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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