Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
