Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
