Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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