i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
