I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
