found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
