we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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