hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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