My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
