Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
