He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
