i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
