I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
