omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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