Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
