I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
