first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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