I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
