So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
