Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
