i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
me + whiskey = a bad person
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
