Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's the barista slut.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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