I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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