You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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