I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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