your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
