Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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