whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
