My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
