I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize