Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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(970): View more from Colorado

Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

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(613): View more from Ontario

There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

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(765): View more from Indiana

well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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(714): View more from California

when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.

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(214): View more from Texas

Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."

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