well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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