You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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