Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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