I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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