Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cut my penus on the lid.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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