i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize