I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
