Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
