I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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