He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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