He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
