Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They took my balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
