There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize