the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
