I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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