Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
