You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
