I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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