Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
do herpes really smell.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I will be naked everywhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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