My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So here I am, sexting at work.
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