when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
