Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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