so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
