Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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