I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
