Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
