He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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