At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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