So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
