you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
