I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
