if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
