i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
