She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
