dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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