That's when you crack a 10am beer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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